Snub Queen

In order to tell the whole story we have to jump in the "way-back machine" and return to February 2010 when I first set-up at the hunting show.  I know, it isn't that much of a jump, but it is far enough back to make a difference.

Every February there is a trade show dedicated to hunting, fishing, and everything outdoors put together by Arc of the Ozarks!  It is a great 2 day show that is the perfect way for me to reach the working class who have dogs and like to take off for quick trips.  The booth layout of the event has been almost identical every year.

I have always been between the dog food guy and the turkey calls, and across the isle from another turkey call guy and the fly rod guy. Yes, I know, it is a rough way to spend two whole days!!  Surrounded by very sweet, kind, attractive men.  I vaguely remember there being a cabin with a bunch of deer heads hanging on it at the end of our isle, across the walkway.

Now lets jump to November of 2012, about 3 months before the 4th year of the above mentioned trade show.  I sponsor an event supporting Arc of The Ozarks, and as such had tickets for their gala event.

I was informed that I was a "snub queen" at that gala event.  When my "date" checked us in on Facebook at the event someone commented on the check-in that my date was with the "snub queen".  In all fairness, he had a point, I had in-fact snubbed him for about three years - snubbed him to the point that he was within ten feet of me at a trade show three years in a row and I didn't recognize him, know his name, or know anything about his company.  Needless to say, I was cordial to him and even proceeded to flirt with him a little as the night (and glasses of wine) progressed.  Thankfully my date was a good friend of both of us, and he made light of the situation! Before I made it home that evening he had started sending me messages.  Very sweet and flirtatious.  I was mildly interested and of course flattered.  I did a little research and found out that he had a couple kids and was on-again, off-again with the mother of his 2nd child.  Seemed to me that not only was he not my type, but the baggage and drama were over the top for me.  Looking back...he was FOR SURE not the guy for me.

This brings us to February of 2013 - trade show that started it all.  Our booths are across the way from one another, as they have been the last 3 years.  Man A is flirty and funny - and I repay the banter as to not redeem myself as the snub queen. At least I acknowledged Man A existed this year.

Truce

In lieu of a New Years resolution, I made a New Years truce.

Back in April, there was a small (read epic) turn of events between myself and a nice frat boy.  He and I had met through a networking group and had been flirty with one another for a few months - neither one of us were available, but there was no harm in flirting or being friends.  

While heavily intoxicated he was belligerent.  Belligerent is putting it mildly, but I should not beat a dead horse.  He was blackout drunk and being a jerk.  No less than a dozen people apologized to me for his behavior and I haven't spoken to him since that day.  Which I was PERFECTLY fine not associating (or even acknowledging him every Thursday morning) with such a douchetard!!   

As it would turn out, I did speak to him again.  

New Years Eve I went to Flo with several friends to ring in the new year and see "Big Iron Band" play.  As we're all sitting, enjoying martinis... in walks frat boy.  I literally saw him and muttered "of all the jerks to walk into MY bar on New Years Eve, it has to be that douchbag".  Clearly I was not impressed he was breathing my air, around my friends, or listening to my friends' band play.  About 32 seconds later I hear "Hey I wanted to come say Happy New Year!".  WHAT?  Did you just come over and speak to me?  THE NERVE.

Long story longer, he slid into the booth with my friends and I, and proceeded to make small talk.  I was over holding my tongue, and proceeded to let him know (surprisingly, in a calm and not Earth shattering voice) how disgusted I was with his behavior at Rockin Ribs and what the was a reason I hadn't spoken to him in  eight months.

He apologized profusely and stayed to toast at Midnight.  SHOCKING - no really, I was shocked.  I was shocked he let me tell him how I felt.  I was shocked he apologized.  I was shocked he stayed.  I was shocked he wanted to count down to 2013 sitting next to me, surrounded by my friends, in one of my favorite bars, listening to my favorite local band....

Our Toast: "Happy New Year.  A truce and a new beginning to an old friendship."

Enjoy The Little Things

The landscapers wife was out of town for a couple days (a week or so ago, I'm a little behind in blogging).  THAT was delightful!!  The poor guy was working like a dog trying to get a big project done, but nonetheless made time for me since the wife was two states over!  (I shouldn't giggle, and yet I do.)

It was nice to be able to swing by and say hello, it was even nicer to be able to curl up in his arms.  Kissing under the moonlight on the porch.  Sitting there while he rubbed my back.  Actually enjoying our time together not worried about anything but one another.

Indeed - its the little things that make me happy.

Don't Call His Bluff!!

So apparently there are no lines in the sand when it comes to certain people.  I am a very flirtatious person - this I know to be true.  A past client of mine from a former company and her hubby are both friends of mine on facebook - we are all chamber members and of course big animal rescue people.  That being said, its not uncommon to chat with either of them on facebook.  Its also not uncommon to say something that gets turned into a sexual innuendo by him...regardless of how innocent it may seem.  That is just the name of the game.

That being said two days ago he and I were chatting on facebook and he was more less taking the random flirting to a whole new level - it went from funny PG13 to XXX really quick.  By the end of the conversation I had been informed that he and his wife were separated and that he was more than just a little interested in getting to know me better.  Uhm, wait, what?  The ultimate cute and cuddly super couple is separated??  The iconic love birds are getting a divorce??  The two most supportive and loving parents on earth are no longer attending football games together??  WOW ...ok still processing that one.

Yesterday I was laying out at the pool when he texted me.  When I said I was laying in the pool he asked for a picture.  I of course sent him one...of my toes, the end of my floatie, a beer and the pool.  The caption "its good to be the boss".  He replied "Yes it is, glad I'm the boss - can I join you".  I laughed and said if he could find me he could join me, but he had to rub sunscreen on everyone's back at the pool.  (That is only funny because I wasn't the only one at the pool.  For fear of being rude and judgmental I'll refrain from describing the others at the pool.) The flirting continued but was more or less harmless...kinda. 

Anyways today he texted me and said "Good Morning Sunshine".  He was right around the corner from my place working on a water job.  He made the comment that if he had my address he'd take me to bed.  I laughed and gave him my address (thinking absolutely NOTHING of it).  Well I thought nothing of it until he walked into my apartment and proceeded to strip!

I apparently have no filter and no moral compass.  The foreplay was fun...he is very complimentary and all about making sure a woman's needs are met.  Enough said.  Nearly two hours later he was on his way back to the office...I suggested he stop at home and take a shower, taking time to wash out his beard.  Just sayin...I mean, after all, he does have a shop full of guys who work for him.

Do you think they have fans and iced tea in hell?

For the Dog?

And the saga of the Landscaper continues.

As I was strolling into the house at 8:15pm after what was quite possibly the longest day of my life, the landscaper calls.  I answered barely and reluctantly (read with more hesitation that I can express and ICE in my voice).  Simon (the sweet sweet dog...whom I lovingly refer to as "little man") had eaten a blister pack of Ambien and the landscaper "didn't know who else to call".
RIIIGHT because you know the vet, the ER vet and poison control wouldn't have been able to help??

Needless to say I jumped online and googled the main ingredients and looked up possible outcomes.  I instructed him to pour peroxide down Simon's throat to induce vomiting and read as much info offline from my pet portal as I could find.

So much for a hot shower and relaxing...I spent the better part of the evening (read all night) texting and talking to him, helping him get poor Simon through the night alive.  Again - why not go to the ER??  I'm still not convinced Simon had more than one or two pills and he was just exaggerating to get my attention.  Just sayin.

By the time the sun rose again the landscaper was bringing up the "good ole days" and talking about the past and yadda yadda yadda.  Not only was I physically exhausted from Friday, but now I was mentally drained as well.  He missed our conversations, he missed the love and support for his battle with cancer, most of all he just missed my face.  (read, someone please shoot me)

I resorted to texting only because I was physically incapable of holding a conversation with him anymore.


The following Friday was the Big Hair Ball benefiting the SAAF House.  For whatever reason I felt compelled to text him a picture of me all done up in full makeup and big hair.  His reply "Amazing, Gorgeous.  Please have fun!!"  I couldn't reply or send anything else for fear of my makeup melting! 

Not only was my heart aching from talking to him and having emotions stirred up again, but this was the weekend leading into Relay week.  Tuesday was the survivor dinner, Friday was Relay, Sunday was Rockin For Remission.

By Wednesday I couldn't function, all I did was cry.  It was ridiculous.  RIDICULOUS!  As I was walking into my BNI meeting, I texted him that he was a "selfish idiot" and that he needed "to pull his head out of his ass" and realize "how amazing I am for loving him just the way he is - bow legged, common, cancer patient, landscaper".  Apparently this caught him off guard - quite frankly it caught me off guard that I actually sent it.  He replied "Wow, did you mean to send this to ME???????"  I let it ride....until after BNI at which point I could barely breath and wanted nothing more that a soft pillow and a nap.  I really unleashed in the subsequent three texts - telling him exactly how I felt and why he was a selfish idiot who couldn't battle alone and so many more things!

Thursday I was walking a dog and went past one of his crews....I texted him that I was sorry for unleashing on him, but that I meant every word I'd said.  No reply.

Friday and Saturday were Relay and honestly I was too busy to even think about him, or my own life.  We raised $325K for ACS!!  YAY for a world with more birthdays!

Sunday was Rock For Remission in Reeds Springs.  We raised $520 and had a great time!!

Monday I caved, I texted him again - "Did I mention how truly sorry I am for unleashing on you last week?"  He replied "Yes, you did.  I deserved it, you deserve better and Im sorry this has been so unfair to you".  Today is Tuesday - and somehow what seemed a dead affair is blossoming again with deeper understanding and a renewed love.

Please, shoot me now before my heart gets broken.  (Again)

Be Strong

I texted with "the landscaper" today.  Apparently mother nature is not being nice to the business, but alas he is hanging on.  I jokingly reminded him that by now surely Mother Nature was menopausal which explains the hot and cold weather changes.  Snowing one morning, 80 by the afternoon - got to be menopause!  He laughed and more than anything said he appreciated the laugh.

We joked like the good old days and lots was said without being said.  I managed to make it almost 30 minutes without crying.  I miss him!!  I miss him so much, but I can't let myself get drawn into anything with (#1) a married guy (#2) who refuses to accept support while battling cancer (#3) that is a client.

So again I say...stop crying, really this time!

I'd Rather Peel Wallpaper!

I have some projects that I'd like to tackle now that I'm single and "reclaiming" my space.  One of them is peeling the Art Deco Era wallpaper from the hall bathroom.  Its lovely...cream with pink and blue seashells.  (read makes me want to gag).  Did I mention I no longer live in Daytona Beach, FL...I'm currently in Springfield, MO??

I digress.

I was letting the solvent sit before peeling another panel of paper off when I hear "ding".  Ohh I have a message, lets go see who it is.  :)  Aww, its the Storm Chaser.  The 'conversation' (read indecent proposal) went as follows:

SC: hey 
me: yes dear?

SC: what are u doing

me: honestly...peeling wallpaper in my hall bathroom

SC: that sucks

do u want to suck my cock

me: not really...I have been waiting for years to get that awful wallpaper out of the bathroom. Wow, what a proposition. Are you drunk?

ps that was a legit question...

SC: nope just really horny 

me: nice. 

SC: yes it was 

me: I don't like drunk "storm chaser". (incase you were wondering)

SC: I usually dont get that drunk

i havent been that drunk in a long time

me: I figured as much....I just left an alcoholic, so needless to say I was less than impressed. I'm covered in solvent and wallpaper glue.  (read Im NOT interested, peeling wallpaper is more intersting)

SC: i see

?

so u coming over and give me a blow job

me: You want me to give up the joys of putting solvent that would stun a yak on circa 1990's wallpaper in a tiny, very poorly ventilated bathroom to come over and get you off...honestly I can't decide on which would be more fun?  I'll pass.  Bye.

Oddly enough, he thought I was kidding.  Go Figure!! 

On the home improvement front - the awful frosted sliding glass shower doors have been removed and disposed of, the shower has been refinished and all but one panel of wallpaper has been removed.  Now to replace the light fixture, wash and patch the walls and then paint!  VIOLAH! The transformation from Art Deco to Zen is almost complete!!   

Accept His Apology, Once!

Bright and early (read nearly 3 hours into my day) a text message arrives: 8:39am from Storm Chaser "Hey Whats Up, Sorry about last night".

After a dozen or so apologies and learning that he spent most of the weee hours puking and even called in sick to work...I almost thought he'd learned his lesson and deserved a second chance to make a first impression.  ALMOST.

At 10:56am I relented and said "I hope you're feeling better doll".  He said he was sorry (again) and was going to take a nap to feel better and hoped I was having a good day and enjoying walking dogs.

He did ask if he could have a second chance...and I guess MAYBE if he behaves himself we'll give it a try.  :)

Chase a Storm Chaser??

EPIC FAIL!

For effect - EPIC FAIL!

There is a reason he is 39 and single.  That is all I have to say about that.  So my first impression - I meet him at his place and he was drunk.  (That was sorta my fault)  I was supposed to meet him at 7pm after a new client consultation.  HA - Did I say 7pm, I meant 8pm.  My clients love their dogs more that the whole wide world....and I can tell you everything you ever wanted to know, and then some about those two dogs.  **Its actually good because clients like these when they are happy with service tend to tell their friends how amazing I am.**  Well I didn't leave my clients home until 7:48pm.  I had left my phone in the car, as to not get distracted, during the consultation.  He thought I had blown him off and started drinking at his place. By the time I arrived, he was sitting in his lounge chair sloshy drunk and very lonely.

Needless to say...I am less than enthusiastic about a second encounter!  Did I mention, EPIC FAIL??

Let Them Grovel

Once in a while it is good to let people have time to really think about what they have done - be it good, bad or indifferent.  Let them stew, let them process, let them grovel.

Its usually not a good thing to give in immediately.  There is no sense in showing your cards...

Tell The Whole Story

Apparently there is some confusion.  So here goes:

The landscaper has been a client for a while, and has apparently been completely infatuated with me since the day we met in late 2007.  I had never really talked to him or thought anything more of him than any other person. Although, he is pretty cute. He always sat on the opposite side of the room from me and anytime I said hi to him he clammed up and turned red. I assumed he was just really shy and moved on with my day.  When he needed service for his pups he would usually text.  The times that he did call he stuttered and stammered along, again I just assumed he was painfully shy.

This past summer he started having to go up to Nebraska frequently because his uncle was sick. We talked quite a bit via text message, it was really just Q&A and an occasional "Hey you haven't needed service, so I hope all is well with your uncle, you're all in my prayers".  Nothing major, just friendly.

My grandmother, who lives in Arizona, was scheduled to have back surgery while he was on a trip to Nebraska. She was supposed to go in Wednesday and my mom, who lives in Florida, was going to go out on Friday to bring her home from the hospital and care for her for a couple weeks following her surgery.  He knew about the surgery and was returning the friendly gesture by keeping tabs on how my Grandmother was doing. While he was up in Nebraska things with my family got a little hectic.  My mother collapsed at the country club and had to go in for an emergency hysterectomy.  SO that changes things quite a bit.  I was now flying out to take care of my grandmother since my mother was obviously in no shape to fly across the country, more less be a caregiver herself.

He was scheduled to be home around dinner time on Thursday and I was getting on plane mid-afternoon Thursday.  There was only a three hour window, but with highway traffic and airplanes neither of us were willing to take a chance.  Needless to say we did a bit of communicating to be certain that his uncle was stable and that the furkids were not going to be neglected or miss a meal or potty break!  

All the sudden the roles were reversed and he was checking on and praying for me. I spent the entire month of September in Arizona taking care of my Grandmother and making arrangements for her after I came back home.  Somehow, by the grace of God, his uncle did well and he did not need to go up to Nebraska the month I was gone...however I had a sitter on stand-by just in case.

While I was in Arizona we texted constantly.  We couldn't really talk because there was a big time difference, grandma slept on and off and most of the time he was around mowers and noisy equipment.  He woke me up daily, not realizing until a month or so after I got home there was a three hour time difference. Oops...I didn't mind.  He made me smile.  I'm not sure at what point exactly I realized I had a major big crush on him, but by the time I got home I was ready to fall into his arms.

The Tuesday I flew home, his uncle passed.  I was on the runway at the airport when he called me. As soon as he hung up with me, he left for Nebraska.  That trip was agonizing for him - we talked, a lot.  We shared stories about family, we shared information about one another, I tried to stay positive for him and be his "bright spot".  

By the time we finally kissed for the first time, we were both already falling for one another.  Refer back to Rule #11 - Its In His Kiss.  We had spent so much time talking and texting that we'd actually developed a relationship with one another based on communication.  Completely forgotten concept in 2010!

In October he went in for some tests because he had been having headaches and some strange pains. What they found was a cancer in his hip. Thanks to being a volunteer and advocate for the American Cancer Society since my daddy passed, I knew in my heart what those tests were going to say.  I didn't know where, but I knew it was cancer.  The next month he had lots of questions and I had nothing but answers and support to give.  We both decided right then and there that our paths had crossed for a reason, and he'd spent three years pining for me in secret because he needed me now, not back then.  I guess that was our way of justifying things.

The medicine made him sick and I tried to offer my support and encouragement as much as he would let me.  He hated the thought of me seeing him like that...after all, he is a tough guy.  He tried to convince me that this was HIS battle and that I didn't need to worry.  He also knew that his being sick just reopened the memory of losing my daddy.  He continued on the meds and tried to push his treatments off until after Christmas.  His first chemo cycle was on my 30th birthday.  His second chemo cycle was on kickoff for Relay For Life.  His third was Valentines Day.  Needless to say, it was a long winter. He has been getting increasingly sick from the treatments and is overwhelmed.  I was "the warm spot in his heart" and "what kept him going".  He has been trying really, really hard to fight this battle alone - repeating that this is "his deal" and to please not tell anyone that he was sick.  I can respect that.  He has not really pushed me away, but he is certainly not let me be there as much as either of us would like me to be there.  See Rule #7 - Catch and Release.

While all of this is going on, I was in two - yes two, car accidents.  Tuesday before Thanksgiving I was rear ended while sitting at a stoplight.  Again January 24th I was rear ended while sitting at a stop light.  The January accident totaled my car and damn near took me out as well.  Somehow I went from being the supportive, cheerful one in the relationship to being the one needing the support.  I was miserable and in a great deal of pain.  It ended up that I had severe whiplash, a vertibre that was way out of line, two bulging disks and some tears in my shoulder.  I was on too many pills to even know my name for a few weeks.

He was dealing with chemo treatment that is having ZERO effect on his cancer and I was dealing with spine and neck injuries. We were both completely focused on the other and at the same time trying to run our business and keep ourselves alive.

What really upset me was the day I went in for my shoulder scope, I sent him a text message that said simply "baby I'm really scared".  He replied back "Don't be, I'm feeling good today and my blood work came back at steady levels last week".  I replied back "I'm having my shoulder scope today, but I'm glad you're having a good day today."  I was more than a little heartbroken at his reply and felt like he was totally selfish and didn't care about me in the least.  Granted my shoulder was NOTHING when compared to battling cancer. But being the dumb emotional woman that I am, I decided I would give him a little letting alone.  In his defense I shouldn't have expected him to remember what day I was going in to the Orthopedic and my text was less than exacting on why I was scared.  I left the ball in his court.  The next couple days I really didn't pick up the phone or laptop much because I slept most of the time. (See Rule #12 - The Nurse Lies for commentary on the shoulder scope)  In the subsequent days we talked a couple times, but didn't see one another.  It has just been mostly texts and tears the last couple weeks, my heart has had enough.  See Rule #18 - Stop Crying.

Monday I sent him an email asking him to drop my cd in the mail - knowing he wasn't in any shape to get out and see me and also knowing I didn't have the emotional wit about me to go visit him after being so disappointed.  See Rule #21 - Life Isn't Always Great and also Rule #23 - Stop Crying, Really This Time. 

And today, ladies and gentlemen, is Wednesday.  I hope that everything is clear as mud now.  

Stop Crying, Really This Time

Out of sight, out of mind (read completely on my mind)!  I'm sticking to my brilliant (read asinine) plan to give him a good letting alone, but making myself completely miserable. I heard a song on the radio, and remembered he had my cd in his truck still.  No big deal really - not like it is one of my favorites (Read one of my total favs to rock out to in the car).

I sent him and email that read: "Can you please take 30 seconds out of your life to drop my XXXX cd in the mail.  Please and Thanks."  Looking back it is a little cold, but not meant to be malicious in any way.

His reply: "Yes I will take thirty seconds out of my GREAT life to send you your cd. Sorry to see things have gone that way, I was afraid of that. Good luck."

My reply: "I'm truly, deeply sorry that your life isn't great right now.  All I have done is openly love you and encourage you.  I have tried to make some aspect of your days better.  And I will always love you and care for you.  I don't understand why one email asking for a CD took such a terrible tail spin."

His reply: "If your still willing I would love to have you for the dogs, they bark about you all the time. Sorry my communication sucks these days."

My reply: "I really wish it weren't just the pups who missed me"

And once again I can't stop crying.   This is ridiculous!!

Say Goodbye

I have been struggling with saying goodbye.  I don't really want to say goodbye, but at the same time, it is long overdue.

I have been having an affair.  I will never say that it is the right thing to do, but nonetheless I did it.

I can't for the life of me even remember how it started.  I remember the first time he came over.  I had had what was quite possibly the most miserable day you can imagine - I had been crying and was pretty much just emotionally overwhelmed.  I had absolutely no desire to put on something cute and pretend to be flirty and fun.  So I didn't.  He came over and we watched tv for a bit and honestly it turned into quite a nice make out session.  And it stopped at that.  I sent him home and we started seeing each other on Wednesday nights, pretty consistently, for the next year or so.  His schedule got a little more complicated and we've had to see one another when we could.  We get to spend quite a few evenings together out with mutual friends or at events, but rarely have we actually been able to curl up with one another.

Along with his schedule being increasingly difficult to accommodate time together, he has also been increasingly more interested in every aspect of my life.  I don't ever expect him to leave his wife, as a matter of fact him being married is one of the factors that has kept our affair uncomplicated.  He always has to go home, he obviously isn't interested in more commitment and most importantly he isn't interested in having more kids.  ALL BONUSES!!

Apparently he has had a change of heart in the matter and is more interested in commitment.  He doesn't want to leave his wife and run off together - but he wants to be more involved in my life.  Yeah, I am so not interested in that option.

So with less and less time available on his side for spending time alone, and with more and more interest in being a part of my life - I do believe it is time to say goodbye.  And that is ok.  It has been nice having someone who genuinely cares about my interests and is satisfying in extracurricular activities.

Life Is Not Always Great

There are things in life that are great, there are days that are great, there are great turn outs and even Great Danes.  But life, as it turns out, is not always great.

Once in a while life throws us curves, and hopefully we learn to swerve...

Noone asks for relationships to go bad - yes I mean spoil.  No two people will ever enter into a relationship that is void of arguments, struggles or hardships.  It is part of the relationship - be it business or personal.  No one asks to be diagnosed with cancer, no one wants to ever let a furkid cross the rainbow, no one wants to be in a car accident (let alone three). 

These challenges are things that you work through together and hopefully it not only makes you a stronger individual, but it allows your relationship to grow as well.  Then again, perhaps those challenges just make you grow apart in your relationships because you want to bottle up your feelings and struggle alone.

Nice Guys DO Exist

I met a guy about six months ago, truth be told I was kinda into him until I got to know him.  He's a great guy.  The more time I spent with him and the more I got to know him, the more I really just enjoyed his friendship.  He has become like a brother to me...and he is just fun to be around.  Its just easy.

We talk about football...Go Chiefs!  We talk about the weather...we both work outside most of the time.  We talk about the horrible way teenagers dress...and wonder where their parents are.  We laugh about horrible fences in the Ozarks...and I text him addresses of those that needs his TLC.  Its really just friendly banter and getting to know one another.

For the first time in our friendship we had a "real" conversation.  It was heartwarming and sad all at the same time.  He is genuinely an amazing guy who deserves the perfect girl.  Well not perfect...but she should spend as much time on her hair as he does...

Anyways, most of our conversations are lite and playful.  He is going through a miserable divorce with a seemingly manipulative and rude woman.  I just got out of a 7 year relationship.  On the odd occasion one of us brings up said relationships, its because we're having a bad day.  Todays conversation was about a seemingly wonderful date last night with a potential new gal:

"I've been on group dates and such, but this was my first real date, the first time I've just been able to relax and cuddle with someone, and the first time I got to sleep beside someone. I literally didn't sleep at all last night because I liked the feeling so much and didn't want it to stop. I forgot what it was like to watch someone wake up and smile the first smile of the day."

After I wiped away a tear, it made me realize that nice guys are still out there, you can go have a romantic dinner then curl up and cuddle.  There are guys out there who just want to make you smile and feel your heart beat.  **Shocking, I know**

In this day in age where "friends with benefits" and "one night stands" are common practice...its really really nice to know that there is at least one nice guy on the planet.  And I have the privilege of calling him a friend.

Stop Crying!

I was more than a little tired of being constantly disappointed and decided maybe it was time to give him a good letting alone.  After a week of not so much as sending him a text message, I passed him on the highway today and started crying uncontrollably like a fool.

Apparently out of sight, out of mind works really well...until you're on highway 65.

:(

BNI Is NOT A Dating Pool.

That old saying "don't mix business with pleasure" so holds true!  I belong to BNI and think its a wonderful organization.  I get quite a bit of business and since I see the same people every week, at least once a week, we get to know one another pretty well.  A little too well...

I met a guy through BNI, use his company for all of my needs in that professional category.  Well we may or may not have started seeing one another.  It was, and is, quite the informal affair - truth be told.  Most people in my life...well all of the people in my life but one...don't even know about him.  And quite frankly there is no reason to know about him.

After a year and a half of this nice arrangement, apparently he has blurred the lines.  He recently decided he wanted to get more involved.  **sigh** It goes without saying that if I wanted him to be more involved in my life, we wouldn't just call one another when we were lonely.  Needless to say when I put in an order the other day, it was more than a little awkward. 

So about that old saying...Don't mix business with pleasure.

Its In His Kiss

Aretha Franklin has a great song "It's In His Kiss"...truer lyrics have never been sung!

Is it in his eyes...Is it in his arms...How about the way he acts...its in his kiss...

I remember the first kiss like it was minutes ago...my head was spinning the rest of the day.  It was barely 6:30 in the morning and I was on my way to a meeting.  He tasted like toothpaste, his lips were cracked from the sun, his beard was prickly and tickled my cheek, his hands were coarse from working dusk to dawn since he was a teenager...he felt good on my lips and so warm in my arms!

But that was in September...

They always come back...

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, (which it always will) make it pay half the bills. If it doesn't, hunt it down and castrate it. Did I say that???

Catch and Release

There are times in this life when people will disappoint you.  They'll apologize. They'll disappoint again.  They'll apologize again...  Its a revolving door with some people.  Those are the ones its better just to cut the line and let them swim away.

There is no sense in setting aside time, making plans or letting yourself get hurt...again.