The landscaper has been a client for a while, and has apparently been completely infatuated with me since the day we met in late 2007. I had never really talked to him or thought anything more of him than any other person. Although, he is pretty cute. He always sat on the opposite side of the room from me and anytime I said hi to him he clammed up and turned red. I assumed he was just really shy and moved on with my day. When he needed service for his pups he would usually text. The times that he did call he stuttered and stammered along, again I just assumed he was painfully shy.
This past summer he started having to go up to Nebraska frequently because his uncle was sick. We talked quite a bit via text message, it was really just Q&A and an occasional "Hey you haven't needed service, so I hope all is well with your uncle, you're all in my prayers". Nothing major, just friendly.
My grandmother, who lives in Arizona, was scheduled to have back surgery while he was on a trip to Nebraska. She was supposed to go in Wednesday and my mom, who lives in Florida, was going to go out on Friday to bring her home from the hospital and care for her for a couple weeks following her surgery. He knew about the surgery and was returning the friendly gesture by keeping tabs on how my Grandmother was doing. While he was up in Nebraska things with my family got a little hectic. My mother collapsed at the country club and had to go in for an emergency hysterectomy. SO that changes things quite a bit. I was now flying out to take care of my grandmother since my mother was obviously in no shape to fly across the country, more less be a caregiver herself.
He was scheduled to be home around dinner time on Thursday and I was getting on plane mid-afternoon Thursday. There was only a three hour window, but with highway traffic and airplanes neither of us were willing to take a chance. Needless to say we did a bit of communicating to be certain that his uncle was stable and that the furkids were not going to be neglected or miss a meal or potty break!
All the sudden the roles were reversed and he was checking on and praying for me. I spent the entire month of September in Arizona taking care of my Grandmother and making arrangements for her after I came back home. Somehow, by the grace of God, his uncle did well and he did not need to go up to Nebraska the month I was gone...however I had a sitter on stand-by just in case.
While I was in Arizona we texted constantly. We couldn't really talk because there was a big time difference, grandma slept on and off and most of the time he was around mowers and noisy equipment. He woke me up daily, not realizing until a month or so after I got home there was a three hour time difference. Oops...I didn't mind. He made me smile. I'm not sure at what point exactly I realized I had a major big crush on him, but by the time I got home I was ready to fall into his arms.
The Tuesday I flew home, his uncle passed. I was on the runway at the airport when he called me. As soon as he hung up with me, he left for Nebraska. That trip was agonizing for him - we talked, a lot. We shared stories about family, we shared information about one another, I tried to stay positive for him and be his "bright spot".
By the time we finally kissed for the first time, we were both already falling for one another. Refer back to Rule #11 - Its In His Kiss. We had spent so much time talking and texting that we'd actually developed a relationship with one another based on communication. Completely forgotten concept in 2010!
In October he went in for some tests because he had been having headaches and some strange pains. What they found was a cancer in his hip. Thanks to being a volunteer and advocate for the American Cancer Society since my daddy passed, I knew in my heart what those tests were going to say. I didn't know where, but I knew it was cancer. The next month he had lots of questions and I had nothing but answers and support to give. We both decided right then and there that our paths had crossed for a reason, and he'd spent three years pining for me in secret because he needed me now, not back then. I guess that was our way of justifying things.
The medicine made him sick and I tried to offer my support and encouragement as much as he would let me. He hated the thought of me seeing him like that...after all, he is a tough guy. He tried to convince me that this was HIS battle and that I didn't need to worry. He also knew that his being sick just reopened the memory of losing my daddy. He continued on the meds and tried to push his treatments off until after Christmas. His first chemo cycle was on my 30th birthday. His second chemo cycle was on kickoff for Relay For Life. His third was Valentines Day. Needless to say, it was a long winter. He has been getting increasingly sick from the treatments and is overwhelmed. I was "the warm spot in his heart" and "what kept him going". He has been trying really, really hard to fight this battle alone - repeating that this is "his deal" and to please not tell anyone that he was sick. I can respect that. He has not really pushed me away, but he is certainly not let me be there as much as either of us would like me to be there. See Rule #7 - Catch and Release.
While all of this is going on, I was in two - yes two, car accidents. Tuesday before Thanksgiving I was rear ended while sitting at a stoplight. Again January 24th I was rear ended while sitting at a stop light. The January accident totaled my car and damn near took me out as well. Somehow I went from being the supportive, cheerful one in the relationship to being the one needing the support. I was miserable and in a great deal of pain. It ended up that I had severe whiplash, a vertibre that was way out of line, two bulging disks and some tears in my shoulder. I was on too many pills to even know my name for a few weeks.
He was dealing with chemo treatment that is having ZERO effect on his cancer and I was dealing with spine and neck injuries. We were both completely focused on the other and at the same time trying to run our business and keep ourselves alive.
What really upset me was the day I went in for my shoulder scope, I sent him a text message that said simply "baby I'm really scared". He replied back "Don't be, I'm feeling good today and my blood work came back at steady levels last week". I replied back "I'm having my shoulder scope today, but I'm glad you're having a good day today." I was more than a little heartbroken at his reply and felt like he was totally selfish and didn't care about me in the least. Granted my shoulder was NOTHING when compared to battling cancer. But being the dumb emotional woman that I am, I decided I would give him a little letting alone. In his defense I shouldn't have expected him to remember what day I was going in to the Orthopedic and my text was less than exacting on why I was scared. I left the ball in his court. The next couple days I really didn't pick up the phone or laptop much because I slept most of the time. (See Rule #12 - The Nurse Lies for commentary on the shoulder scope) In the subsequent days we talked a couple times, but didn't see one another. It has just been mostly texts and tears the last couple weeks, my heart has had enough. See Rule #18 - Stop Crying.
Monday I sent him an email asking him to drop my cd in the mail - knowing he wasn't in any shape to get out and see me and also knowing I didn't have the emotional wit about me to go visit him after being so disappointed. See Rule #21 - Life Isn't Always Great and also Rule #23 - Stop Crying, Really This Time.
And today, ladies and gentlemen, is Wednesday. I hope that everything is clear as mud now.
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