Say Goodbye

I have been struggling with saying goodbye.  I don't really want to say goodbye, but at the same time, it is long overdue.

I have been having an affair.  I will never say that it is the right thing to do, but nonetheless I did it.

I can't for the life of me even remember how it started.  I remember the first time he came over.  I had had what was quite possibly the most miserable day you can imagine - I had been crying and was pretty much just emotionally overwhelmed.  I had absolutely no desire to put on something cute and pretend to be flirty and fun.  So I didn't.  He came over and we watched tv for a bit and honestly it turned into quite a nice make out session.  And it stopped at that.  I sent him home and we started seeing each other on Wednesday nights, pretty consistently, for the next year or so.  His schedule got a little more complicated and we've had to see one another when we could.  We get to spend quite a few evenings together out with mutual friends or at events, but rarely have we actually been able to curl up with one another.

Along with his schedule being increasingly difficult to accommodate time together, he has also been increasingly more interested in every aspect of my life.  I don't ever expect him to leave his wife, as a matter of fact him being married is one of the factors that has kept our affair uncomplicated.  He always has to go home, he obviously isn't interested in more commitment and most importantly he isn't interested in having more kids.  ALL BONUSES!!

Apparently he has had a change of heart in the matter and is more interested in commitment.  He doesn't want to leave his wife and run off together - but he wants to be more involved in my life.  Yeah, I am so not interested in that option.

So with less and less time available on his side for spending time alone, and with more and more interest in being a part of my life - I do believe it is time to say goodbye.  And that is ok.  It has been nice having someone who genuinely cares about my interests and is satisfying in extracurricular activities.