For the Dog?

And the saga of the Landscaper continues.

As I was strolling into the house at 8:15pm after what was quite possibly the longest day of my life, the landscaper calls.  I answered barely and reluctantly (read with more hesitation that I can express and ICE in my voice).  Simon (the sweet sweet dog...whom I lovingly refer to as "little man") had eaten a blister pack of Ambien and the landscaper "didn't know who else to call".
RIIIGHT because you know the vet, the ER vet and poison control wouldn't have been able to help??

Needless to say I jumped online and googled the main ingredients and looked up possible outcomes.  I instructed him to pour peroxide down Simon's throat to induce vomiting and read as much info offline from my pet portal as I could find.

So much for a hot shower and relaxing...I spent the better part of the evening (read all night) texting and talking to him, helping him get poor Simon through the night alive.  Again - why not go to the ER??  I'm still not convinced Simon had more than one or two pills and he was just exaggerating to get my attention.  Just sayin.

By the time the sun rose again the landscaper was bringing up the "good ole days" and talking about the past and yadda yadda yadda.  Not only was I physically exhausted from Friday, but now I was mentally drained as well.  He missed our conversations, he missed the love and support for his battle with cancer, most of all he just missed my face.  (read, someone please shoot me)

I resorted to texting only because I was physically incapable of holding a conversation with him anymore.


The following Friday was the Big Hair Ball benefiting the SAAF House.  For whatever reason I felt compelled to text him a picture of me all done up in full makeup and big hair.  His reply "Amazing, Gorgeous.  Please have fun!!"  I couldn't reply or send anything else for fear of my makeup melting! 

Not only was my heart aching from talking to him and having emotions stirred up again, but this was the weekend leading into Relay week.  Tuesday was the survivor dinner, Friday was Relay, Sunday was Rockin For Remission.

By Wednesday I couldn't function, all I did was cry.  It was ridiculous.  RIDICULOUS!  As I was walking into my BNI meeting, I texted him that he was a "selfish idiot" and that he needed "to pull his head out of his ass" and realize "how amazing I am for loving him just the way he is - bow legged, common, cancer patient, landscaper".  Apparently this caught him off guard - quite frankly it caught me off guard that I actually sent it.  He replied "Wow, did you mean to send this to ME???????"  I let it ride....until after BNI at which point I could barely breath and wanted nothing more that a soft pillow and a nap.  I really unleashed in the subsequent three texts - telling him exactly how I felt and why he was a selfish idiot who couldn't battle alone and so many more things!

Thursday I was walking a dog and went past one of his crews....I texted him that I was sorry for unleashing on him, but that I meant every word I'd said.  No reply.

Friday and Saturday were Relay and honestly I was too busy to even think about him, or my own life.  We raised $325K for ACS!!  YAY for a world with more birthdays!

Sunday was Rock For Remission in Reeds Springs.  We raised $520 and had a great time!!

Monday I caved, I texted him again - "Did I mention how truly sorry I am for unleashing on you last week?"  He replied "Yes, you did.  I deserved it, you deserve better and Im sorry this has been so unfair to you".  Today is Tuesday - and somehow what seemed a dead affair is blossoming again with deeper understanding and a renewed love.

Please, shoot me now before my heart gets broken.  (Again)