Of Mice and Men

Oh 2015 here we are again...and again, and again.

It would seem that the more I date, the more I am genuinely happy being single.  Im 34, and apparently I am the last woman on the planet who thinks she should be treated with respect and treated like she is special.  I believe that relationships are built on trust, communication, and genuine effort.  I know, I know.

With the advent of computers, smart phones, interwebs, and aps we have become so connected that we are absolutely disconnected from our fellow man.  When is the last time you were with someone and you put your phone down without feeling the need to pick it up?  When is the last time you looked into someones eyes and felt something?  When is the last time you printed a picture from the 1000s you took today?

We are probably the most photographed people in history, and yet future generations will have very few actual pictures from the past.  We can find everyone from all aspects of our life in a matter of seconds - a call, a message, a snapchat, or a text and yet we know nothing about one another.  It is a sad, sad state.

That brings me to my point.  I recently met a seemingly nice gentleman who had all the right answers, the sweetest compliments, and as a 32 year old male he had no baggage.  A perfect catch, right?  Wrong.  So wrong.  After talking for three weeks, we had our first date scheduled for lunch on Saturday.  So excited!!  We had been discussing more topics that the weather and how our days were, he sent sweet dream kissy faces, and I was sure I had found the last undamaged, thoughtful man on the planet.  Boy was I wrong.  Saturday morning as we were talking, I found out that my schedule had changed up a bit.  His response "oh good, I didn't really want to get up and get showered or dressed up anyways.  Here is my address, just come over and we can lay around and be lazy.  We can order lunch to be delivered."

Much to my chagrin, he wasn't kidding and he absolutely saw no problem with his new request.  While I believe that he meant it when he said he promised it wasn't a bad stunt to get me in bed, I still think it shows a lot about our current culture. I left him with the notion that I wasn't a 24 year old bimbo, drunk at a club and that I really wasn't interested in being a notch in his belt or a newspaper headline.  Instead of apologizing and reassuring me he had the best of intentions for our future, he instead said "well if thats what you think of me, then that is your deal."  Needless to say, I removed him from all forms of connection in my world.

So there it is.  Dating 101 from the Millennials.  It would appear a Tinder Match, quick text, pajamas, and take out are what is left of romance these days.  Picking a girl up for a date, opening doors (including the car), picking up the tab, sending flowers, and getting dressed are really no longer part of the deal.

Whole30 - Week 1

That same friend that convinced me to run a half marathon - yeah she also convinced me that I should do a Whole30 challenge.

I started this week, and so far what I have noticed is that I cook more.  My eating habits aren't really that different, other than no carbs or cheese.  The real kicker to Whole30 is no drinking.  Yup, this social butterfly gets to spend a month sober.  No wine. No beer. No martinis.

As a vegetarian, most of the things that I eat are "fake meat" or fresh tossed in some pasta.  Most packaged stuff in the grocery store has beef or chicken bullion in it, so those are already out.  Most frozen foods - same thing.  Most soups - you got it, beef and chicken stock.  Those are all foods outlawed  by Whole30 - I was a step ahead already. I have replaced pasta with eggs this week and I have noticed that I have more energy in the mornings.

I know that I don't have any willpower, so I don't keep sweets or chips in the house.  I will sit and eat an entire package and then puke all night long from a tummy ache.  Chips and Salsa or Guacamole are one of my favorite snacks.  But for 30 days, those are out.  PS "Porcine Spice" is ground pig skin, so Doritos and a whole bunch of other snacks were already out.  That being said, Jalapeno or Salt N Vinegar Kettle Chips make me happy, happy, happy!!

Over the last couple years I have listened to so many of my friends jump on the CrossFit and Whole30 bandwagon, and I had this impression that it was so hard!  That it was just an absolute life altering diet.  The truth of the matter is that those people had to be eating total crap ALL THE TIME.  The first week is in the books and I can say that I've noticed a few minor changes - the main one is my hands arent as swollen.  Im going to chalk that up to salt in the "fake meat" and carbs being eliminated this week.

Week 1... check!!

Mystery Solved?

A couple years ago, well 2009, a nice businessman sent me a friend request on Facebook.  I am always at different fundraisers and networking events, so I thought nothing of not remembering exactly where I had met him, but knowing I did infact know him.  I accepted the request and we chit chat at random.

About a month ago he sends me his contact info and asks if we can have coffee or lunch sometime.  I said sure, and that I would check my schedule.  I was busy at the moment and three weeks later, we scheduled lunch.

Last Friday we had lunch, it was just small talk about business and current events - nothing Earth shattering.  It was pleasant talking to him and legitimately learning more about his business.  Because I am scatterbrained, it took me until today (Tuesday) to thank him for lunch.  At random, he throws this into conversation:"So this may be an awkward moment, but did you and I hook up once when you were in college?"  ** DING DING **  Well, now that we have that little tidbit out in the open - I have to admit that I wasn't sure.  He reminded me, yep.  He remembers.

Anyone have the first clue as to what I am supposed to do with this newly gathered information?

The rational version of my brain wants to say he was just clearing the air.

The woman version of my brain wants to say he was casting a net.

Go Girl!!

Back in November Lisa asked me to run over and sign her up for the Go Girl 1/2 since it was the last day to register as an early bird, and of course since she lived in Willard I gladly went.

Now, somehow in the course of signing her up, I too signed up.  I am not a runner - I am a dog walker.  Yes, I am a dog walker.  One of the arguments used against me was that I walk several miles a day, so I had the stamina to run a half marathon already.  Uhhhh ok sure.  Did I mention I am a dog walker, not a runner?

Our first training run was a disaster.  I was in pain.  I was in tears.  I hated my friend Lisa.  Running 3 miles - a measly little 5k, about killed me.  Now mind you, I went into this training run thinking "I walk 5 or 6 miles a day, running 3 will be a piece of cake".  I was SO WRONG!  So So So very wrong.  Did I mention I hated my friend Lisa?

May 10 at 1:50pm in the Bass Pro parking lot.  We're picking up our race packets - complete with race bibs and shoe chips for timing - I still hate my friend Lisa, only now I'm hugging her and trying not to vomit wondering if its too late to just bow out gracefully.  We are going to do this...we are going to meet in the morning at 6:45am and we are going to finish a half marathon!!  WEEEEEEEE

I hate my friend Lisa.  :x

Saturday May 11, 6:45am.  Go Girl starting line in the Bass Pro Parking Lot!! we're warmed up, geared up, and ready to run! I just want to puke and run far far far away from the starting line.

All in all the first mile wasn't that bad - I found my pace and got my stride down.

Mile 2 is just ahead...ooohhh and so is the turn off to do just the 5k!  I could run the 5k and call it good.  What the hell - 3.1 Miles is an accomplishment in itself.

Mile 3 - I was in awe of "Brentwood" and both old/new "Southern Hills" flower beds that were already planted and filling the air with amazing scents.  Goo - sweet they have goo at the water stations.  I probably should have brought my own, but woo hoo they have goo for us!

Mile 4 - Hey we are like super close to my house - I can go straight up that hill, oohhh a hill, yeah nevermind Ill keep running the course.

Mile 5 - Ohhh Dancing Mule coffee...oh wait, they have goo.  Thanks for the goo!

Mile 6 - Yeah we are like half way, I so have this!!  Holy crap Ive run 1/4 marathon!!  More goo!!

Mile 7 - Im getting tired, this is insane and why on earth am I all the way over in Roundtree??  Where the hell is the water and goo, I demand more gooooooooo

Mile 8 - Hammons Field ok yeah, downtown. Im downtown.  I need to be allllll tttheeeee waaayyyyy on the Southside.  Im tired. Im hungry.  This is stupid.  I can't do this.  I don't want to do this.  LISA I HATE YOU!  The tears start and I lose my breath as we round the corner to the Shrine Mosque.  Am I seriously having a panic attack while running a half marathon...holy crap I need to get it together before I fall on my face or pass out in the middle of the street.

And then the angle of mercy appears in the form of a water station volunteer - she hands me a bag of magic beans.  They are called Honey Stingers.  She also gives me goo and Gatorade and says I'm so close to the 10 mile mark I cant give up.

Mile 9 - One more mile, one more measly mile and I've hit 10 miles.  Its Saturday morning at I've run 9 miles...what the hell have the rest of you slackers done??  Shit I'll bet everyone else is still wiping the sleep from their eyes and drinking coffee.  Ha Ha bitches I so have this!  (as a side note what the hell are in those honey stingers??  Xanax??)

Mile 10 - 10 miles.  10 miles.  Ha ha ha at this point all thats left is a 5k.  3.1 more miles and I'm done.  soooo really a half marathon is just a 10 mile warm up for a 5k.  I'm 30 min from the finish line.  All the sudden my feet are moving quicker and I'm no longer counting my steps.  Ohhh more goo!! Mmmm goooo.

Mile 11 - ohhhh cowbell!  This crowd rocks!  More goo....banana flavored, warm snot! I will take it!  Is that sunshine??  OMG SUNSHINE STREET!

Mile 12 - I can hear the announcer.  OMG ONE MORE MILE!!

Mile 13 - holy shit I'm done!!  OMG I'M DONE!  OMG OMG OMG  I am randomly grabbing hands with the closest people to me - one of which is a stranger  but who cares!

FINISH LINE!!  Did they just announce my name?  Is that a medal going on my neck?  Why am I crying?  Did I actually run a half marathon in 4:02?  I'm not last!!  I need water! Water!! SMOOTHIES!!  Smoothies in etched flutes! Im not dead!  I can still feel most of my body parts! Awww carnation!  BANANAS!  Massage for my legs!!  More Bananas!  More smoothie!  HUGS FROM EVERYONE!  Bananas!  HUGS!  Pictures!!  This is so cool!

What I have learned from this is that its a mental game you play with yourself.  There were people on the course with me, at water stations, and along the sidelines cheering me on and encouraging me with every single step.  There were friends texting me as I ran.  The only person telling me I couldn't finish was myself - so for anyone who thinks that they can't do something, they are so wrong.  I'm 32.  I'm fat.  I'm short.  I've had knee, back and shoulder surgery.  I've been in 3 car accidents with whiplash and multiple injuries.  If I can do it - anyone can do it.

Snub Queen

In order to tell the whole story we have to jump in the "way-back machine" and return to February 2010 when I first set-up at the hunting show.  I know, it isn't that much of a jump, but it is far enough back to make a difference.

Every February there is a trade show dedicated to hunting, fishing, and everything outdoors put together by Arc of the Ozarks!  It is a great 2 day show that is the perfect way for me to reach the working class who have dogs and like to take off for quick trips.  The booth layout of the event has been almost identical every year.

I have always been between the dog food guy and the turkey calls, and across the isle from another turkey call guy and the fly rod guy. Yes, I know, it is a rough way to spend two whole days!!  Surrounded by very sweet, kind, attractive men.  I vaguely remember there being a cabin with a bunch of deer heads hanging on it at the end of our isle, across the walkway.

Now lets jump to November of 2012, about 3 months before the 4th year of the above mentioned trade show.  I sponsor an event supporting Arc of The Ozarks, and as such had tickets for their gala event.

I was informed that I was a "snub queen" at that gala event.  When my "date" checked us in on Facebook at the event someone commented on the check-in that my date was with the "snub queen".  In all fairness, he had a point, I had in-fact snubbed him for about three years - snubbed him to the point that he was within ten feet of me at a trade show three years in a row and I didn't recognize him, know his name, or know anything about his company.  Needless to say, I was cordial to him and even proceeded to flirt with him a little as the night (and glasses of wine) progressed.  Thankfully my date was a good friend of both of us, and he made light of the situation! Before I made it home that evening he had started sending me messages.  Very sweet and flirtatious.  I was mildly interested and of course flattered.  I did a little research and found out that he had a couple kids and was on-again, off-again with the mother of his 2nd child.  Seemed to me that not only was he not my type, but the baggage and drama were over the top for me.  Looking back...he was FOR SURE not the guy for me.

This brings us to February of 2013 - trade show that started it all.  Our booths are across the way from one another, as they have been the last 3 years.  Man A is flirty and funny - and I repay the banter as to not redeem myself as the snub queen. At least I acknowledged Man A existed this year.

Some People Shouldn't Own Pets

I was walking Jacoby and came upon an Aussie laying in the middle of the road. He was soaking up the sun, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD.

When he saw us walking, he sauntered over to say hello.  He had a great personality and walked a mile right by my side.  When we returned to Jacoby's home, the Aussie waited by the door for me to return.  I checked his tags since he hadn't gone back to his home (I thought perhaps he was just out and lived in the neighborhood).

He had a 2012 Rabies tag from Country Club vet clinic, yay!  He had an ID tag with his name "Thompson", his owners name, phone number, and address, YAY!  BAZINGA - this sweet boy was going back to his home.  And a third tag which read: "This dog is NOT lost. He lives on 30 acres. He wonders away, but will come home on his own." 

I debated taking Thompson back home so that I could express my lack of enthusiasm for the owner's regards for Thompson's safety.

I debated taking Thompson up to Country Club Vet so that they could perhaps express a lack of enthusiasm for the owners' regards for Thompson's safety.

BUT I decided to take him to animal control where the owner could pay a nice fine for his lack of regard for Thomson's safety. (Of course this was contingent upon the grounds that if the owner didn't respond, that they call me and I'd find the sweet boy a better home).

The moral of the story is that if you are going to have a pet, please take care of the sweet baby.  Its life is precious and we make a pact with our pets that we will watch over them and protect them.  We do not live in the middle of the country where it is safe to let your dog roam.  We live in a growing city with people who are speeding, texting, and otherwise distracted.  There is a reason fences, both standard and underground electronic versions, exist.  There is a reason we have leash laws.  Too many times pets are out and get hit by drivers who simply did not see them - and that is a tragedy.  As a pet owner and professional pet sitter I do not understand why anyone would let their dog roam at will.  Clearly Thompson has been out and returned enough times that the owner felt the need to make a tag expressing his lack of concern about Thompson being away from home.

PLEASE be a responsible pet owner.  PLEASE keep your pets safe and secure.  It is our duty to protect our furbabies from pain and hurt.

Truce

In lieu of a New Years resolution, I made a New Years truce.

Back in April, there was a small (read epic) turn of events between myself and a nice frat boy.  He and I had met through a networking group and had been flirty with one another for a few months - neither one of us were available, but there was no harm in flirting or being friends.  

While heavily intoxicated he was belligerent.  Belligerent is putting it mildly, but I should not beat a dead horse.  He was blackout drunk and being a jerk.  No less than a dozen people apologized to me for his behavior and I haven't spoken to him since that day.  Which I was PERFECTLY fine not associating (or even acknowledging him every Thursday morning) with such a douchetard!!   

As it would turn out, I did speak to him again.  

New Years Eve I went to Flo with several friends to ring in the new year and see "Big Iron Band" play.  As we're all sitting, enjoying martinis... in walks frat boy.  I literally saw him and muttered "of all the jerks to walk into MY bar on New Years Eve, it has to be that douchbag".  Clearly I was not impressed he was breathing my air, around my friends, or listening to my friends' band play.  About 32 seconds later I hear "Hey I wanted to come say Happy New Year!".  WHAT?  Did you just come over and speak to me?  THE NERVE.

Long story longer, he slid into the booth with my friends and I, and proceeded to make small talk.  I was over holding my tongue, and proceeded to let him know (surprisingly, in a calm and not Earth shattering voice) how disgusted I was with his behavior at Rockin Ribs and what the was a reason I hadn't spoken to him in  eight months.

He apologized profusely and stayed to toast at Midnight.  SHOCKING - no really, I was shocked.  I was shocked he let me tell him how I felt.  I was shocked he apologized.  I was shocked he stayed.  I was shocked he wanted to count down to 2013 sitting next to me, surrounded by my friends, in one of my favorite bars, listening to my favorite local band....

Our Toast: "Happy New Year.  A truce and a new beginning to an old friendship."